


where do I belong (is it by your side)

by bellamysblakes (puddingandpie)



Series: there's an albatross around your neck, can you carry it with no regrets [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 08:58:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3722980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puddingandpie/pseuds/bellamysblakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa stood at the gate, wondering, watching, and waiting for someone to invite her inside. But no-one came, everyone just continued doing what they were doing. It was like Clarke had never left, that was how seamless the transition was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	where do I belong (is it by your side)

Lexa stood at the gate, wondering, watching, and waiting for someone to invite her inside. But no-one came, everyone just continued doing what they were doing. It was like Clarke had never left, that was how seamless the transition was.

Bellamy was like her guard, taking up the role that Lexa had out there, out in the wild. He was here for her now, and so she was unnecessary. She wasn’t needed.

This was like all of her worst nightmares coming true, the ones where she dreamed that everyone she loved was dead, and the ones that were left didn’t need here, didn’t want her, because all she did was place extra strain on a family that was already struggling to survive.

Lexa had always been a rebellious child, someone who wasn’t afraid to speak her mind and do things, even if she had been told not to do them. She was a constant source of stress for her parents, and the reason for all of their arguments. If it wasn’t for her, maybe her parents would still be alive.

But it took someone like Anya to teach her how she should behave, how she should dress and how she should act if she was ever to be taken seriously. It took her influence to clean her up, to get her looking appropriate for society.

It would have been the same on the Ark, she thought. Society always had this way of forcing upon its people norms, rules that they have to follow in order to be seen as a respectful member of it. It was something that Lexa had always resented, because although sometimes it was beneficial, most times it was an asshole.

Every person on the Ark had suffered, just like she had. They all lived with the constant fear of death, the first thought when you wake up always being _today might be the day that I die._ Their entire system of government revolved around fear and death, and nobody was safe from that. Lexa, on the other hand, was constantly afraid of reapers, of what an attack could mean for her family and what it could mean for her.

There were so many similarities, so many constants between life on the ground and life on the Ark. But yet, even with all of these similarities, she still was viewed as an outsider, and she didn’t think she had enough confidence to walk back through those gates and to the safety of Clarke. She wasn’t a commander anymore, and so she didn’t have an army to back her up if she made a mistake.

She had made decisions, just like Clarke had, decisions that cost a few lives to save the many. These were the tough decisions that you had to make when you were a leader, but the people here thought she was a cold hearted bitch for making them. There may have been another way, a way where she could have saved more people, but there wasn’t time for her to consider that. It was a split second decision. There was no time for anything but to move forward.

Lexa looked back at Clarke, saw her surrounded by her mother, Bellamy, Raven, Wick, Jasper, Monty, Miller, all people that she would consider to be her family. Lexa didn’t fit there. Lexa would never fit there.

She turns to leave, to run, like she has done so many times before. Sometimes, it seems that running is all she is good at. But yet again, she is stopped.

“Lexa wait,” Clarke’s voice rang out throughout the empty clearing. Lexa spun around, greeted with the sight of all of those people, all of them standing at the gate. Clarke was walking forward, walking towards her, hand outstretched.

“Do you want to come in?” She asked tentatively, almost as if she was scared of Lexa’s reaction. How could she be, when Lexa’s only goal is to please Clarke, to make her happy. Clarke is her ultimatum, and all she wants is her approval.

“I would love to.”

 

She swears on all that is holy, Clarke’s hugs taste like hope. 

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr to talk about the 100 : belllxrke.tumblr.com


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